Its rant time.

Last time you heard of my unneighborly neighbors was in September. I bought bark collars. We've heard occasional yips from the dogs with their collars on, since, but nothing else. After receiving that call in September, I called them back, and told them about the bark collars and hope that solved the problem. Also, since September, I have ALWAYS come home by 7 p.m. to put the dogs inside (my latest nights are after class -- which, with traffic, might detain me until 7:30 p.m.)

That is, until last night. I was out until 10 p.m. Work. (You can read about it in yesterday's entry, which I admit, I updated late).

I came home to a horribly mean message on the answering machine. I'll sum up: We've warned you. You should get rid of those dogs. The police made a visit to your house, and you'll be hearing from them. Keep in mind, these neighbors are across the street and kitty corner to me, so its not like the dogs are barking in their windows or anything.

Since the time stamp on the message was 9:30, and it was only 10 p.m., I decided to call them back. I started out calm as can be, I apologized for my dogs disturbing them, I said that I wished they had come over to talk to me rather than calling the police, and I was trying to ask them exactly what they heard (I was explaining to them that my dogs were wearing bark collars and I wanted to figure out what wasn't working about them). They wouldn't listen, they said We warned you. We came by to talk to you in your yard [that was last March] and the only time we get action is when we call the police. Now the police are involved and we're going to do something to get those dogs from you! You're going to be hearing from them! You shouldn't have dogs, they're a nuisance!. At this point, my first instinct was to tell them to go to hell. Instead, I said something like "Obviously you don't want to work this out, so we shouldn't talk about this any more." To which the idiot neighbor said "We tried to work this out! The only solution is for you to get rid of your dogs!"

Completely unreasonable. First of all, that's near the level of telling someone to get rid of their children. Second of all, nearly half the neighborhood has dogs, and a good portion leave them outside during the day (this morning, while I laid in bed, I heard no less than the faint barks of three different dogs).

Anyway, I called the police officer who visited my house. He was very friendly. He said that the police department was complaint-driven (funny, I always thought the police should be crime-driven), and that they only investigate this stuff when someone calls to complain. He said he didn't issue a citation, because a citation requires multiple complaints, and he should probably also bring out a decible meter. I told him about the bark collars and asked exactly what he heard when he came out. He said he heard one dog barking, that it wasn't continuous, the dog would bark, stop, bark again. He said in his opinion it was frequent enough to be considered a nuisance, though if it happened regularly this late at night (which obviously it doesn't). He also said that he was prowling around the outside of my fence to get them to bark, and most people with dogs like their dogs to alert them to prowlers outside their fence. He said sometimes bark collars don't work for every dog and I should investigate other options.

Smart dog

As pissed off as I was by this whole thing, I obviously don't want my dogs to be annoying the whole neighborhood. So I did some investigating on what was going on. Its not easy to get the dogs to bark, because they know me, and they tend to bark when strangers walk by the fence. Anyway, I shook and raddled things until I got them to try to bark. Apache only wimpered. Bennet did bark, stop, bark again. He's figured out the bark collar. The way the collar works is that it beeps first, and then shocks with increasing intensity as the barking continues. Anyway, if the dog only barks for a short time, it just beeps, and then when the dog stops in resets the cycle. So basically, Bennet has figured out exactly how long he can bark without being shocked, and how long he has to wait before he barks again. That dog is way too smart for his own good!

Solution

I'm currently at a loss for a solution (besides the obviously unreasonable thoughts of burning down my neighbor's house and/or telling them if they want me to get rid of my dog, they should get rid of their kids who are always kicking balls into my yard). The dogs would just be miserable staying inside every day (they'd probably get stir crazy and destructive). It seems this is only a problem when the dogs stay out in the evening, so I've posted a sign looking for a neighborhood kid to pay to bring them inside the house after school. It won't stop the dogs from barking, but at least they'll have some time outside, but come back in before most normal people get home from work. I've also put a padlock on my gate because I'm afraid of what they might do to my dogs. What a horrible world we live in, where I have to fear for the safety of my pets and padlock because my neighbors are threatening them.

Bored housewives

Ok, I know I shouldn't be critical of other people's life decisions. But I attribute this whole situation to bored housewives. The young married couples who think they can live in the "perfect" neighborhood are the ones who report me to the homeowners association. And the bored housewives that stay home all day are like the neighborhood Nazis. I hate to generalize. But most people with something to do during the day aren't so unreasonable. The other single people, the couples where both parties work, and the older couples are all perfectly pleasant.

So, my second solution is that I am moving to the country. Seriously, nothing could be better than several acres to separate me from my nearest neighbor. I spent all morning trying to figure out how long it would take me to save up enough money for a second downpayment. I could rent this house to a young-married-couple that would fit perfectly well in my neighborhood. And I could move somewhere else, with lots of land, a wraparound patio porch, and NO HOMEOWNERS ASSOCATIONS. I am convinced the homeowners association is what gives people the thought that they have the license to be unneighborly and file complaints with outside authorities, rather than stopping by to meet your neighbors and have friendly chats.