Longwinded entry

Advance warning: I am feeling chatty today, so this may be a long winded entry.

Halloween

No, I am not wearing a costume at work - though I was tempted to throw on my Death robe and mask. Yes, I am wearing my festive skeleton earrings that Sarah hates (she says they're tacky, I say they would be tacky if I wore them in July, not if I wear them the week of Halloween). No, I didn't buy any candy, cause no kids live in my neighbourhood. Yes, I am going to a Halloween party tonight. Yes, I did get a costume for Apache (if you count little devil horns that she won't tolerate me putting on her).

The Opera

La Boheme was wonderful. I laughed through the first act. I swooned over Rodolfo, the Bohemian poet, during the second act (why doesn't anyone spout ridiculous love sonnets at me?). I worried for the fate of true love in the third act. And I cried when Mimi died in the fourth act. It was beautiful. Though Mimi got the standing ovation, I was completely enchanted by Rodolfo - (preface this with I have about ZERO musical knowledge or aptitude) but I love really deep baritone singing voices, and all the male parts had them, it was so warm and lovely.

Events surrounding the Opera

I almost ended up going to the opera alone. Buzz ended up having to go pick up her fiance at the airport 'cause his car had flooded while he was away and his insurance company wouldn't give him a rental car (add that to the list of reasons to hate insurance companies). Anyway, I called pretty much everyone who's number was stored in my cell phone to see if they wanted to come with me. It kind of made me happy to know that the first four or five people I called would be considered close enough friends to just randomly call to do something like that - that make me happy about having more of a social life in Houston. Then the last four or five people I called were all people who I know in passing and would like to become better friends with. That's good. That's about the right size social circle, the small, intimate type of social circle I've always had and felt comfortable with (I've never been one for huge groups of non-intimate friends). I guess that means life in Houston is progressing out of quiet of a minimal social life to actual people all around. That's good.

I was also happy with myself because it looked like that everyone else had plans, and I would go to the opera alone. I felt very independent, just doing something for myself. We read this short story in my French class in high school about a old woman who's whole family lived far away from her and was alone in the world and wouldn't go to resteraunts because she didn't want to be embarrassed to eat all alone. (It also had some social criticism about how people stare and wonder when they see a single woman). Then she realized how to appreciate doing things by herself. When I read that story, I never wanted to be the person who couldn't/didn't do something because no one else was with me. And I wasn't. I didn't even think twice about not going 'cause I didn't have a companion. Anyway, in the end, when I was about halfway there, Kennda called and she came to take the extra ticket.

And on Downtown Houston

With the World Space Congress, I really got my first glimpse of Houston as a city. And now the Theatre District. There were just theatre after theatre - an opera house, a symphony hall, a playhouse, etc. All brand new. Surrounded by trendy resteraunts, great parking and clean fresh open streets. Kennda and I went to this little jazz bar/resteraunt after the opera. It was great food, not crowded, not presumptious (despite its prices and obviously yuppy clientale). The really weird part about the whole thing (I realized something felt funny when I was there, but it didn't hit me until I was driving back home), there were no homeless people, no beggers, no dodgey characters loitering around, no trash on the streets, no sketchy dark alleys (seriously, everything was big open and well lit). I think this was the first city street I have every walked down in the middle of the night (I was there until 1 a.m.), with the exception of no-homicide-Switzerland, where I wasn't freaked out and watching my back and clutching my purse. That was nice.

Self-definition

Ok, this is the erudite :) and amateur philosophy section.

As I pulled out of the theatre district, I saw a little place over a trendy resteraunt advertising lofts for rent. I briefly pictured myself living in a big open loft, with high windows, no walls to separate rooms, wood floors, living the life of a city girl. I had this picture when I was in Rice Village for the World Space Congress too, me in a brownstone, lots of funky art, socializing with the Bohemian-university crowd. And then there's the picture of me on my ranch, sipping lemondade reading a book. And then there's me in suburbia, you know, house, dog, garage, finally having space to assemble my RC airplane and a vegetable garden. I don't know, the idea of city life sounds appealing to me, but in the end I think I'd end up with a constant stress headache from all the activity. I like a city to be accessible to me for the museums and theatres and trendy bars and shopping. But more and more, I like the idea of really living in some place more rural and quiet.

I realized something. A lot of people define themselves in college. That's when people go through these big changes and decide who they are and who they are going to be. I was like an arrow in college, just continuing a trajectory I started long ago. There were boxes I was checking in college, even if they were unspoken - do research, get summer internships, join organizations, take leadership positions, get involved.

I didn't really do a lot of the stupid self-discovery kind of things. Then I went away to Switzerland, and lived a life I have never lived before and probably never will again - complete with all-night raves and exotic people, but that was temporary. And now I am in Houston and this is my first REAL chance to define who I am and how I am going to live my life. What types of organizations do I want to be involved in (I don't have to be involved in any, no boxes to check anymore)? Am I the type to seek marriage and breed? Young or old? Am I the type to live in the countryside or the city? What do I do with my evenings? Who are the people I want to spend my time with? Where do I want to travel to? What do I want to do with my life?

All these are very self-defining questions, and questions I could not (or was unwilling to) answer in college, because, I had a plan for college - there were certain things I was going to accomplish and I was too young to think about the other stuff. Now, the plan is different, not as clearly defined, and, as an engineer would put it, I am going to start defining the parameters of my life.