In the trend of Karen and Jen , I too would like to add my own tales of foreign beauracracy.

I've already told the story of the lost passports and the ineffeciently always-closed U.S. consulates (resulting in a trip to Bern, rather than nearby Zurich). Of course, if you want to brush up, you can read about that here. Since coming to Houston, I have met two other people who have "lost" their passports in Munich, mostly while drinking (I took down my exploits in vices at Oktoberfest on the grounds that it might incriminate me). There must be a real black market for stealing American passports in Munich.

And then there was my continual battle with the bus fines - because I paid at 5 p.m. on the day the fine was due, they had already forwarded my name to the stadt police (which I guess they do at 4:30, so they can all go home at the close of business at 5:05, but the ever punctual Swiss would never dream of waiting until the next morning to report I was late). The police then tracked me down to arrest me (I can only assume) - thankfully, I walked them over to the bus station to prove to them that I had paid the fine.

And, of course, finally, and most hilariously, was the trash incident. The reason I bring this up is because there has been a NEW development. So, you have to buy these special Stadt Baden trash bags to have your trash collected. The cost 3 franks, and I was just poor enough that those 3 franks really really matter. Anyway, I was good and diligent anyway, and dutifully purchased a bag from evil-psycho-landlady Frau Schmidt (who sold them singularly so I wouldn't have to buy a roll of 40 of them which I would never use that many anyway). I took my trash bag out of the can, and placed it inside the Stadt Baden-approved bag (so it was double bagged) and placed it in a pile of about 100 other trash bags by our house on a corner for collection.

A month later, I receive a ticket. I couldn't read the ticket (the German was too complicated for me and my dictionary). I assumed it was another notice about the affore mentioned bus fines. Anyway, toward the due date on the ticket, I had a German friend help me read it. She explained I was in trouble for not using the right trash bag.

Now, there were two things that bothered me about this, 1. I did use the right trash bag. 2. How did the police find out I used the wrong one? (they must have dug through the trash to find receipts or items with my name on it).

So, I went to the police station. Let me explain something. The Baden Stadt police are probably the only people in western Europe to have absolutely no grasp of written or spoken English. Nada. Not a word of English is spoken in the police station. I know I shouldn't be offended by this, because I had gotten off rather easily in Switzerland, never really having to tax my language skills. But I tried anyway, in English-French, pointing to words in my German-English dictionary and on my ticket. But it didn't work. So, I borrowed a Swiss lady who speaks wonderful English from the Marien Heim and dragged her down to the police station. She explained to them. She said I lived in a group house and that I could've dropped an envelope with my name on it that ended up in someone else's trash. Or, that we have lots of theives in our building (they tended to steal nutella and honey, for some strange and evil reason), and they could've unbagged my trash. But the police wouldn't believe me. So, I asked if I could go to court (as we know, in the US, a fine is really an summons to court, and if you pay it, you admit guilt and don't have to make an appearance). So, the way the Swiss system works is that if you don't pay the fine, you go to court, if you win, you have to pay at least 100 CHF in court costs and if you lose, you have to pay no less than 500 CHF to cover the court costs - so either way I would lose.

When they threatened to take away my ausweis (that's my Swiss ID), I finally paid the fine.

Needless to say, with the stolen passport, two bus fines, the police breaking up our parties, and the trash bag fine, I probably have a pretty large file at stadt Baden (the only more criminal offense that I never commited, but many other praktikants got in trouble for, was hanging the laundry on Sundays!!)

This story does actually have a point relative to today...

My mom got mail forwarded from the good old nunnery to me, which she read through yesterday. In it was a fine for 47 CHF and a bunch of German writing (so of course, she can't read it). That's the exact amount of a trash bag fine. So even four months later and a couple thousand miles away, someone had things in their trash that made them think it was me. Or maybe they just figured "We haven't collected a fine from Frau Cutri-Kohart in a while, maybe we should send one." I don't know.

But the worst ineffeciency of all

I have found in Houston. Unlike civilized states where they print your drivers' license on the spot - Houston mails them to you. It takes up to 6 weeks. To get a new license, you have to give them your old one, which they shred in front of you. And then they give you a piece of paper with your name and id number. This means, the many Houstonians without passports or other government issued photo id's are expected to go 6 weeks without a photo id while they wait. I explained to the drivers' license people how ridiculous this was (what if you had to fly? what if you wanted to buy a beer? what if you needed to get a job? you can't do any of these things without a valid id.)

They didn't seem to care. Ah, Texas.